


Don’t Know About You, But I Knew It Wasn’t Wrong

by Tori2004 (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Niall, BoyxBoy, M/M, So Long-Niall Horan (Song), Top Zayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-22 12:26:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17662628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Tori2004
Summary: Niall loved Zayn. One day in 2014 he got drunk and told the older boy how he felt. The night of March 25 2015, Zayn kissed Niall and told him that he felt the same.After Zayn left, Niall had tried to contact him to no avail. Then 1D went on hiatus. Niall wrote his emotions down, but was too scared to put the song on the album.Zayn went to one of Niall’s shows and heard “So Long.” He felt guilty and went backstage to talk to the Irish lad. They spoke for a bit, before they realized they didn’t actually want to speak.One hookup reunited old feelings and new ones. It complicated things, making a mess of what already was a jumble of emotions.





	1. One

**March 2015**

Zayn felt utterly and absolutely terrified. Tears streamed down his face. He didn’t want to stay, he couldn’t stay, but he didn’t know what the future held for him.

And what about his feelings? His feelings for his blonde Irish bandmate, Niall Horan. Niall...his eyes were a gorgeous shade of sky blue, his lips thin and pink, his dyed blonde hair soft to the touch, his cheeks rosy red, his Irish accent thick and his laugh bubbly and infectious.

Leaving might mean never telling Niall what he felt. What he had felt since he was seventeen. He had wanked to the thought of the lad at the beginning of the band. Then his feelings grew and he fell so in love with Niall. Zayn has become gradually distant from the rest of the boy’s and now he was about to fucking leave in the middle of their OTRA tour. 

Zayn clambered to his feet, wiping under his eyes. He opened the door to his suite and made his way down the hallway. Niall was sharing a room with Harry, but the youngest of their group was undoubtedly fucking off with Louis. That was yet another reason he didn’t tell Niall how he felt.

Harry and Louis have been together for five years. Their management had never let them come out, though the couple had been wanting to since a year after they got together. Zayn was there when Louis cried about it and took care of him when he got drunk off his ass.

He never ever wanted to go through the same misery and heartbreak as Louis and Harry went through. Zayn wasn’t strong enough to endure that, he was mystified as to how they were still sane, still together.

Zayn stumbled to Niall’s room and took a deep breath, before knocking. There were footsteps and the door opened. Niall smiled brightly. His hair was flat on his forehead, his quiff long deflated and he was in only a pair of black sweats. “Hey Zee.”

Zayn shifted from foot to foot. “Can I come in?”

Niall nodded, stepping out of the way. “Course.”

Zayn noted how he was the only one who Niall didn’t call ‘lad’ or ‘mate.’ The Irish boy had convinced Zayn to go clubbing about a year ago and he had gotten very drunk. He had slurred out a love confession and kissed Zayn. Zayn, too scared to admit his own feelings, had pulled away. Niall didn’t seem to remember the night and the older lad hadn’t said anything.

Now, Niall was there, looking adorable with a sparkle in his blue eyes. It was a look he only got after performances. They all were always so pumped after shows, the energy from the crowds rubbing off on them. Now though, Zayn wanted to throw up. 

He looked down at his feet and Niall used two finger to lift his chin up. “What’s wrong?”

Zayn swallowed the lump in his throat. “D-do you remember the night, last year, when we dressed in disguise and went clubbing?”

Niall shrugged, frowning. “Not really. I drank too much, blacked out, the usual shit.”

Zayn wanted to sob. He sat on the edge of Harry’s bed, fisting the sheets. “I-you told me you loved me. That you have since two weeks after we met.”

Niall froze, eyes widening, the icy blue flashing with terror. “Oh.”

Zayn tried to search Niall’s face, but the blonde lad looked at his feet. Zayn stood and walked over to the boy, lifting the boy’s chin. His voice came out tinier than he wanted it to. “Was it true?”

Niall nodded. “Y-yeah. I’ve, fuck, yeah I’ve been in love with you for five years. Wh-what do you think about that?”

Zayn decided to act with his heart instead of his brain. He grabbed the back of the shorter boy’s neck and kissed him. Niall’s hands went to Zayn’s hips. Their tongues rolled together, Zayn feeling a tear roll down his cheek. 

He had done something he longed to do for years. Now, he knew he had to leave. But Niall...Niall felt the same as Zayn. He loved the taller lad back.

Niall pulled back and wiped the tear from Zayn’s cheek, his soft lips in a pout. “What’s wrong?”

Zayn shook his head. “I love you. Always remember that. And I’m sorry. I’m so...so fucking sorry.”

Zayn turned on his heels and nearly ran out of the room. He was full on snot sobbing now and he ran to the lift. He faintly heard Niall calling out for him, but he ignored the beautiful boy he loved for half a decade. He collapsed to his knees and put his head in his hands. “Fuck...”

The lift dinged and he ran outside. He called an Uber and sat on the curb outside of the hotel, lighting up a cigarette to calm his nerves. He knew it was a disgusting habit, but fuck his life, fuck everything. 

The cold March air made him shiver and he waited for the Uber. He waited a few more minutes until it actually showed up. He got in the backseat. “Take me to the nearest international airport.”

Zayn called Louis. “ _Hey_ , _lad_.”

Zayn bit his lip. “Hey Lou. I-I can’t do this anymore.”

 _”Can’t do what?”_ Louis sounded confused. 

“Can’t be in the band anymore.” Zayn bit his lip. “I’m leaving the band, I need to get shit figured out. I want to go solo for a bit, but I just need a break from the fame for now. I’m so sorry.”

Zayn hung up the call before his best friend could say anything. He didn’t know what he was going to do.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m pretty sure for most of N’s tour, Zayn didn’t live in New York, but for the sake of this story he’s going to live there

**2018**

Everyone started cheering loudly when the lights went dark, before the strobe lights starting flashing. Zayn pulled his hood down further, making sure he didn’t get seen. 

Music started playing and the lights fully went on, showing Niall. The Irish boy strummed his guitar, grinning at the crowd. He started singing a song that Zayn didn’t know, he was too heartbroken to listen to the album. He had no idea how he was going to survive tonight.

Niall’s hair was brown now, all the familiar blonde grown out. Zayn couldn’t easily see him, not being close to the stage, but hearing his beautiful voice was like a fucking stab to the heart. 

Niall finished the song, grinning adorably. He was so fucking gorgeous. Niall let out a laugh. “Thank you all for coming out tonight.”

The crowd cheered loudly, interrupting Niall, but the Irish lad just grinned. “You all are amazing. I love you Madison Square Garden!”

~~~

At this point, Zayn was sobbing. If anyone recognized him, the paps and the fans would’ve had a hay day. Niall went over to the piano bench, explaining that he had written this song, but chose not to use it on the album.

When he started to sing, Zayn let out an embarrassing squeak and wrapped his arms around himself. 

 _‘So, if we knew along, why_ _did it take so long?_

_We’ve known it since we were young, so why did it take so long?_

_You know you make me feel loved, make me feel like I’m home’_

Zayn felt his already broken heart shatter into a million pieces. He knew this song was for him, he was absolutely positive and it hurt like a bitch.

~~~

Niall got off stage, rubbing his hand through his sweaty hair. He was grinning like an idiot but he didn’t care. He got back to the dressing room, feeling absolutely exhausted. Being solo took so much more effort than being in the band.

There was a knock as Niall was tugging off his shirt. “Come in.”

The door opened and his heart stopped. The first thing he saw was the big hazel eyes, then the flawless tan skin. He was wearing a black hoodie with the hood up and his hands shoved in the pockets. “Hey.”

Niall tried to swallow, but his throat was dry. “Zayn. What, fuck, what are you doing here?”

Zayn stepped all the way into the room, closing the door and pushing his hood off. His hair was messy and Niall could see the puffiness of his eyes, the tear tracks on his cheeks. “It was a great show.”

His accent made Niall’s heart flutter. He was shirtless, in front of the boy he used to love and hadn’t seen for three years. “Uh, thanks.”

Zayn’s eyes scanned Niall’s body and he took a shaky breath. “We, um, need to talk.”

Niall picked up his jumper from the ground and slid it over his head. There was an edge to his tone. “About what? That you kissed me, told me you loved me, then left the band and refused to pick up any of my calls or answer my texts?”

The slightly older boy looked stunned. His full lips parted, and Niall had to tear his gaze away from them. He still remember what Zayn’s lips felt like.

”T-the song...the one you didn’t put on the album...” Zayn’s voice brought Niall’s thoughts back to the present. “It was about me...?”

Niall felt his face flush. He mumbled. “Maybe.”

Zayn nodded, stepping closer. “I know I fucked up, okay? What I did...I should’ve talked to you. I’m an asshole, I know that. I know...I know that you’re so fucking perfect, so gorgeous and I’m a massive fuck up...”

Niall grabbed one of his tattooed hands, holding it in both of his. He stared at it. It was darker than Niall’s, small and almost dainty, but still masculine. “Don’t say that. You messed up...but I don’t hold grudges, Zee.”

Zayn took his other hand and lifted Niall’s chin. “That’s why you’re such a good person...you...”

Niall rolled his eyes and dropped Zayn’s hand. He grabbed the taller lad’s neck and kissed him. Zayn’s lips were full, slightly chapped, but still so soft. 

Niall pulled away, but Zayn’s hands went to his waist, holding him. Niall looked in Zayn’s eyes, not sure whether to trust the boy who broke his heart. Zayn’s eyes were incredible, mostly brown, with a bit of green. They were framed by long, dark eyelashes that touched his high cheekbones. 

Zayn didn’t kiss him more, instead resting their foreheads together. “I love you, Nialler. I love you so much.”

The Irish lad wanted to sob. He had been dreaming of those words for three fucking years. Dreaming of the full lips they would come out of, of the thick British accent.

Niall just kissed Zayn harder. His hands slid under the taller boy’s jumper, resting on his six pack. “Fuck...”

Niall felt so turned on, but a wave of insecurity crashed over him. He pulled back and Zayn frowned. Niall looked at his shoulder, not wanting to meet his eyes. “You’re so fit...”

Zayn’s frown grew. “What...?”

”I’m not.” Niall finally looked up. “I-I don’t usually care about what I look like, what my body looks like...but I’ve been wanting this since we were seventeen. I’m kinda softer now, and I have a lot of chest hair and you have abs...”

Zayn shook his head. “You’re so beautiful. I’ve never seen anyone who can compare to you. Do you understand me? And I’m not perfect, not by a long shot. My biceps are spaghetti compared to yours. I’m too skinny. You’re perfect Ni.”

His words made Niall smile. They held honestly and Zayn clearly believed whatever lie he was telling himself. He kissed the boy of his dreams again, their tongues rolling together.

Zayn’s hands went to Niall’s bum and his lips to Niall’s neck. Niall let out a loud moan and Zayn mumbled against his skin. “Wrap your legs around my waist.”

Niall complied and his fingers tangled in Zayn’s black hair. Zayn walked them over to the couch and the friction their groins were making was incredible.

The noises the older boy was making were quiet, but so fucking hot. Niall was laid down on the dressing room couch and stripped of his clothes. Zayn started kissing every inch of him. “I love you so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t feel like actually writing the smut. Sorry🤷🏻♀️


End file.
